Personal Journal Entry


"For Zen students the most important thing is not to be dualistic. Our "original mind" includes everything within itself. It is always rich and sufficient withing itself. You should not lose your self-sufficient state of mind. This does not mean a closed mind, but actually an empty mind and a ready mind. If your mind is empty it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few....

...So the most difficult thing is always to keep your beginner's mind. There is no need to have a deep understanding of Zen. Even though you read much Zen literature, you must read each sentence with a fresh mind. You should not say, "I know what Zen is," or "I have attained enlightenment." This is also the real secret of the arts: always be a begninner."
.....ZEN MIND, BEGINNERS MIND...Shunryu Suzuki


Simple as it sounds, striving toward Zen mind is no easy undertaking, for we are filled with self-centered thoughts; we are discriminating by nature and horribly out of tune with our own self-sufficiency. Perhaps the most difficult is the discrimination -- constantly judging right and wrong, good and bad, go or stop, do or don't. When we learn to let our own nature free, the boundaries disappear and a deep flow of just being surfaces, an indescribable joy, a certain buoyancy and vigor. One becomes more straightforward, living life with simplicity, humility, serenity, joyousness and an uncanny perspicacity.

What began as a simple desire to get away from my writing desk and out into the world to read my poetry to an audience, grew into a statement from a friend -- a seed I now know in afterthought -- to go on and put together a chapbook. Me being the type-A person I am (I know, I know, I'm working on it) I cannot just run off to the copyshop and staple something together. And so the seed grew into a published book. A book that would find itself into Barnes and Noble, Amazon. A book with an official ISBN and Library of Congress Number. A book that could be shelved in a library.

A book? says, me.

Yes, says my Self. That's what I said. I didn't stutter.

Oh, but there's no time to send out submissions and all the follow up. And besides, I only have a few good poems really. And oh, did I fail to mention that I'm working on a novel? I mean, that is my top priority you know., says me.

Right. Tell me something I don't know says my Self. Don't worry. I'll be with you.

And so what pushed through the hard dry dirt, what broke free into the world greeting the Sun's shining face was indeed just that. A woman-owned publishing house and a womanyst writer united. A graphic artist (who messed up bigtime but has been replaced by someone with remarkable talent and a super-fine gentle spirit). Radio gigs to read my work. An arts collective that people are coming out of the woodwork to be a part of; several small bookstores interested in carrying the book; a proposal of another sort that I cannot yet speak about and more radio gigs coming to the surface in places I'd never thought of; a book, 105 pages in length that I didn't know I even had; a novel that has grown it's own legs, once a babe in a basket and now a toddler, walking and talking just like me; a deepening knowledge and appreciation of Self in a profound way. Should I pass from this Earth today, my children and those that I love will know the deepest meditations of my heart, they will know the goodness of my life -- a life I have tried to live with fearlessness and grace. That makes me feel good.

Fearlessness is not being un-fearful, rather, it is facing the fear and walking straight into it with courage. It is being open to the infinite possibilities that lie in an infinite Universe.

Gee, think about that. Infinite. Something without end, without limitation.

Gee, that's wonderful.

Oh, yes ... and check out what I found. I've always liked devorah's energy. And thank you, Shaquanna, for this and that. Love you sister!
---A.