WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY....

.... the teacher appears.

Something is happening. Something serious. Really, really serious. Something I can't yet talk about, surprisingly, because I don't yet have words. I can only describe it as a walk toward the sun, a radiant light that burns and hurts the eyes but feels so good all the same. Inside, I'm sure yet afraid. Afraid because it goes against all that I've ever been taught yet at the same time it seems that what I've been taught is part of this. It feels very similar to the time in which I was making the decision to grow my hair natural and then the decision to loc. I had known for many years that I'd be progressing this way at some point but the how, when, why, and where seemed elusive. It was just the right thing to do, no matter the consequences. No matter whether the boss liked it or not. No matter whether the family thought I was crazy. No matter whether it seemed unprofessional in my professional world. It just seemed like the next logical step.

And then recently, the decision to stop eating beef. After the whole mad cow upset it just seemed logical to stop ingesting something that was obviously at war within itself. You are what you eat, right? And the progression toward a truly organic lifestyle kicked in full force. From knitting my own washcloths to eliminating the beef, incorporating more vegetables and fruit. Just seemed obvious.

And now, the biggest thing, my faith. So many inconsistencies and so many contradictions. So many ill-teachings within the walls of the church. So much hypocrisy. The number of Christians who claim to be saved and followers of Jesus who turn right around and support violent media, video games, etc. So shocked about the Passion of the Christ that it leads me to ask: Just what DID you think crucifixon meant? a block party? So many that support war and do not even question acts of aggression within themselves, within their government. So many that have bought into the consumerism.

Within myself, product of this irrational American evironment from which I do plan to escape, I see the agression within myself. The anger when I'm cut off in traffic; the frustration at rude people who talk on their cell phones as the store clerk is ringing up their purchase. The anger at my government for robbing me of my civil liberties, suggesting that I need to be rated by them in order for them to decide whether or not I am "qualified" to fly. The anger at the complacency ... that people care more about Jennifer Lopez and Janet Jackson than they do about basic civil liberties that are hanging by a very seriously tenous thread. Frustration when reading blogs that blog on and on about nothing (I have taken to reading very few). And so there must be a better way to deal.

What am I gravitating towards? A Zen approach. A Zen approach to writing, living, eating, breathing.....existing. And what I am finding is that much of the Buddhist teaching is directly parallel to what Jesus taught. The only difference is that many Christians do not practice what they preach for two hours on Sunday.

Driving past a local church I saw their outdoor sign inviting people to their services and beneath, in those light-up letters similar to the changeable numbers at the gas station, I saw this:

READ YOUR BIBLE. IT'LL SCARE THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

And I can only wonder: What would Jesus think?

So, having stumbled across this
and this years ago and not reading either, I find myself engaged in them now.

ANGEL