QUESTIONS

Am I leaving the only faith I've ever known?

Am I so disgusted, disappointed, disenchanted, frustrated that I've no choice but to retreat?

Am I searching for something else? or is the something else already here?

Do I mention it to family or do I leave it alone?

This I ask myself and all that I have come to is that no, I am not leaving my faith but what I am doing is sifting out that which no longer has place, no longer makes sense; that which does not work for me. Because I believe we are essentially spirits having human experiences (rather than the reverse) I must believe that we are put here for myriad reasons, one of which is to find our way back to God, to our Divine selves. Why spend your whole life following along like cattle in something you don't believe? In something that does not work for you? Much of the teaching in Christian churches today is surrounded and deeply entrenched in what I call the "fear tactic." Scaring you into giving half your income lest the Lord strike you down. Scaring you into going to church every single Sunday no matter whether or not the clothes are dirty and piled to the ceiling, homework is undone, you are mentally and physically exhausted ... gotta be there. Scaring women into having that fifth or sixth child that they know they can't (mentally or financially) afford to have. Scaring people away from birth control when they are old enough to be sexual but too young and immature to be a parent. Scaring women away from essential services offered by lifesaving institutions like Planned Parenthood. Judging those who choose alternative lifestyles and condemning them to a hell that none of us have the power to send them to in the first place. Masses and masses of Baptists, Catholics, Protestants and Presbyterians who can stand outside in the freezing cold all night to protest someone else's sexual preferences but can't put two hands together to pick up the telephone and call their senator and protest these outrageous prescription/healthcare costs. The same people who come out in the masses to protest an elected official installing a copy of the Ten Commandments in a public building but can't open their mouthes for half a second to say two words about these failing schools across the country. Christians who are supposed to be peace loving who stood in support of George Bush sending troops to Iraq on a wing and a prayer because it "seemed like" the Iraqi government had interest in selling WMD. I don't get it.
I don't see the masses of these people praying for peace. I don't hear the preachers telling people to go home and meditate, light a candle for peace; don't hear anyone calling for unification with our former friends and allies abroad. Don't hear anyone talking about the real crimes against humanity occurring as we speak in North Korea, Cambodia (6 year old prostitutes), parts of Africa ..... and the crisis in Haiti.

And I have a problem with it.

Am I turning away? No, I say. I am simply redefining what works for me and right now I am trying to live by the Buddhist tenets that remarkably, Jesus taught as well:

Right understanding
Right thought
Right speech
Right action
Right means of livelihood
Right effort
Right attitude
Right meditation.


ANGEL