SUNSHINE AND RAIN

The other night I dreamed about X, my ex. We were together for a long time. Too long. I dream about him at least once a week, not because I'm wanting him or anything remotely close. It's because, as I chose to believe, all is spiritual and spirits that connect in the fashion ours did never seem to completely disconnect. I will always have memory of him, this I know. And if there is one thing the fairy godmother could grant me, if there is such a thing, is complete absolution of all thought, all memory of this man. It would outweigh any financial gain I could ever wish for.

This man broke my heart. Let me say it again, he broke my heart. He destroyed the very fabric of our relationship, ripped the trust right out of the seat and left my ass flapping in the wind. He didn't leave me; I wish he had. I was the one that did the leaving. But one thing I have to thank him for today is that he made me a woman. He showed me, through his deceit and mishandling of my love, how strong I really am. He showed me that I am a survivor; that I can and will make it through just about anything. He helped me establish the standard for all men who were to follow; through him I learned what I would and would not tolerate, what I did and did not deserve, what I was and was not willing to do for love. He helped me understand that being alone does not mean being lonely and that even if it does feel lonely, it's an emotion that's sure to pass. He returned me to a life of silence; I write today, in large part, because of him. In my silence, I learned to listen to the drumbeat of my own heart instead of focusing on his. He taught me that the only one who can save you is yourself. He taught me that everyday that I have breath in my body is a good day. His deceit returned the sway in my hips, put the curl back in my hair (after chopping most of it off), put a smile back on my face. The old folks always say, If ain't good to you, it ain't good for you. This is true. He helped me recognize Love when it really arrived, knocking ever-so-softly on my door; when it sat on my step, cross-legged, waiting patiently for me to return.

All I can say is this: who's to say that all friends must be safe? Maybe their sole purpose is to teach us and ours is to love and learn. The trouble with relationships is that the pain in love is mixed with joy and good; you take both or you get nothing at all. And so you rest a while, knowing that this too shall pass.

Be well. Be love(d).
ANGEL